Baby A, you're worth all of this. I already don't regret any of the crazy lengths we have to go to to bring you home. Jesus died for you; I can certainly be tired for you.
Love,
ta maman
30 March 2012
Homestudy Pt. 3
The HOME VISIT! [dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnn]
Fer serious, I was a mess about this. For those of you who only keep your house clean enough for college students, you know how intimidating it might feel to have a stranger coming into your house with the intention of ascertaining whether you're fit to raise an adopted child. What actually freaked me out is knowing that she probably often goes into homes with no children yet. And, lemme tell you, it is HARD to keep a house immaculate with a curious one-year old.
So we turned in our mountain of paperwork, and our social worker set our home visit for a week and a half later. Needless to say, it was a little bit of a stressful time in the Mnch household. On top of all the cleaning, we were trying to get our adoption education completed as well (which is still not complete; our education meeting is Monday, okay?!?).
Another thing you need to focus on is having your house pass the Fire & Environmental Safety Checklist. I don't know if some agencies require you to have it done by the local fire department, but ours did it for us, since College Station charges $30 (laaame).
Honestly, I didn't focus very much going into it on the actual questions she might ask us, which was of course the bulk of the time. I guess I tend to be a forthcoming person, and I can't change what is by thinking more about it or wishing it was different or something. But it was hard, after she left, to keep reminding myself that it's not an unspoken set of buzzwords you need to say in order to "pass" or something. And our social worker tried very hard to make us feel like it wasn't a test and that she wasn't here trying to find reasons to keep us from adopting.
I mostly believe that.
As far as the aftershocks, we're just exhausted. As soon as we finish the education part, I don't think we'll do anything adoption-related until May. I've had a little sinus infection I just cannot get over simply because I do not have the health unction (unction, anyone?) to get over it. Since Monday I have felt the way you feel (or at least the way I felt) after pulling an all-nighter: kinda queasy, a little loopy, super groggy, just bad. Anyway, you can be praying that our household will recover swiftly. I know this stuff comes in bursts; I just had no idea what a physical toll it has taken.
Oh, what's that you say? How did it go? Oh, I don't know. I think it went well. I mean, I don't know. Never having had one or seeing anyone else have one or even watching one happen in a movie - it's hard to know how it's supposed to go. Maybe ask me again after a few more nights' sleep. In the meantime, feel freee to pray for Ezra to miraculously become an awesome sleeper and for supernatural amounts of healing and restoration. Thanks!
Fer serious, I was a mess about this. For those of you who only keep your house clean enough for college students, you know how intimidating it might feel to have a stranger coming into your house with the intention of ascertaining whether you're fit to raise an adopted child. What actually freaked me out is knowing that she probably often goes into homes with no children yet. And, lemme tell you, it is HARD to keep a house immaculate with a curious one-year old.
So we turned in our mountain of paperwork, and our social worker set our home visit for a week and a half later. Needless to say, it was a little bit of a stressful time in the Mnch household. On top of all the cleaning, we were trying to get our adoption education completed as well (which is still not complete; our education meeting is Monday, okay?!?).
Another thing you need to focus on is having your house pass the Fire & Environmental Safety Checklist. I don't know if some agencies require you to have it done by the local fire department, but ours did it for us, since College Station charges $30 (laaame).
Honestly, I didn't focus very much going into it on the actual questions she might ask us, which was of course the bulk of the time. I guess I tend to be a forthcoming person, and I can't change what is by thinking more about it or wishing it was different or something. But it was hard, after she left, to keep reminding myself that it's not an unspoken set of buzzwords you need to say in order to "pass" or something. And our social worker tried very hard to make us feel like it wasn't a test and that she wasn't here trying to find reasons to keep us from adopting.
I mostly believe that.
As far as the aftershocks, we're just exhausted. As soon as we finish the education part, I don't think we'll do anything adoption-related until May. I've had a little sinus infection I just cannot get over simply because I do not have the health unction (unction, anyone?) to get over it. Since Monday I have felt the way you feel (or at least the way I felt) after pulling an all-nighter: kinda queasy, a little loopy, super groggy, just bad. Anyway, you can be praying that our household will recover swiftly. I know this stuff comes in bursts; I just had no idea what a physical toll it has taken.
Oh, what's that you say? How did it go? Oh, I don't know. I think it went well. I mean, I don't know. Never having had one or seeing anyone else have one or even watching one happen in a movie - it's hard to know how it's supposed to go. Maybe ask me again after a few more nights' sleep. In the meantime, feel freee to pray for Ezra to miraculously become an awesome sleeper and for supernatural amounts of healing and restoration. Thanks!
29 March 2012
Homestudy Pt. 2
Part two of the home study process is what I whinily affectionately call the MOUNTAIN OF PAPERS.
Your homestudy agency will give you a list of paperwork they need filled out and returned, including (but not limited to):
- a lengthy application
- financial records for two months
- verification of your assets
- paper from your doctor saying you're healthy
- an involved autobiography for each of you
- a layout of your home (with dimensions)
- pictures of the front of your home and your yard
- pictures of your family
- letters verifying your employment
- 4 letters of reference
- certificates of completion for adoption training
... and maybe other things I'm forgetting? Anyway, a ton of stuff. It's pretty easy to feel overwhelmed when looking at the paper with alllll of the things you have to obtain.
How you go about this step depends on whether you're in a rush to get that baby! or if you're not. We aren't, having a baby at present and being pretty tied up with ministry. We were also doing two fundraisers while we had our paperwork, so I think we spent maybe 6 weeks just compiling the documents and finishing the paperwork.
I chose to do things one at a time, since that helps me feel successful. Being able to cross a thing off a list feels a lot better than getting closer to being finished on several things. Stephen worked on his autobiography during many small sittings; I did it in two chunks. I also started with easier-to-do things, like going to our filing cabinet and pulling out the records we needed to copy.
A suggestion I have for this phase of the adoption is to get your dossier doctor note (the one that has to be notarized) at the same visit wheres/he fills out the homestudy agency's paper. Also getting your employer to notarize their verification of employment also helps for your dossier. But my guess is most people probably already know that who are at this point in their adoption "journey."
Next up, the home visit!
21 March 2012
Serious Sunday
I may start a series. Or I may not. If you're expecting something stable and dependable from this blog, go elsewhere. Absolutely all of that gets used up on Ezra. Every single ounce.
Some church friends of ours came home this week with their daughter. She was born in China and was just adopted into the family God has ordained her to grow in since birth. I just kept tearing up all morning.
You know, with pregnancy, it becomes real (I think) pretty quickly: "morning" sickness/crazy fatigue. Even if you don't have that (lucky!), you still get to hear a heartbeat within weeks of conception. But I won't be carrying our next child.
I suppose I will have to work this out with the Lord, but, if I'm being completely honest, sometimes I felt like I forced His had with Ezra. Not that I can make myself get pregnant by force of will or something, but God allowed my body to be fertile, and, well, we got Ezra. I wanted him so badly we didn't technically wait until we like heard a "Now!" from the Lord or something. Stephen was willing to become a parent, but he also was very comfortable waiting a bit longer.
I divulge all of this merely to say, sometimes I feel like having Ezra was more of a selfish act than I care to admit. I yearned to have him and be his mommy. I longed for it for years (5). I don't really have some sort of clear calling that God wanted us to have him when we did. I don't regret it a bit, not even a little, though that makes me feel a little bad. [whoops, sorry for being so willful, God!]
All of that to say, when we bring our next child home, I don't think I'll be able to feel that way even a little bit. There's nothing biological about adoption. You can't just "whoops!" into it. It's not the natural order of things - it takes many, many deliberate (and often laborious) steps. When I was pregnant with E, there were several times when I was terrified that we had made the wrong decision; that we weren't ready to parent this amazing person; that we'd mess him up terribly. I think that's probably normal.
The thing was though, there was no going back; he was coming, and he came, and he's here. With adoption, at any point, I can say, "no." And it all stops. And at any point, God can say, "no," and we won't get anywhere. I don't think that's going to happen, and I'm sure I'll have several similar freak-out-times as I did when we were expecting E.
But it's just so humbling: God choosing you to parent someone He loves dearly. What a crazy responsibility. I cannot believe He's picked me. Now, if I can only remember that when Ezra bites me tomorrow. [He got me on the underside of my arm today. It really hurt. Really.]
Some church friends of ours came home this week with their daughter. She was born in China and was just adopted into the family God has ordained her to grow in since birth. I just kept tearing up all morning.
You know, with pregnancy, it becomes real (I think) pretty quickly: "morning" sickness/crazy fatigue. Even if you don't have that (lucky!), you still get to hear a heartbeat within weeks of conception. But I won't be carrying our next child.
I suppose I will have to work this out with the Lord, but, if I'm being completely honest, sometimes I felt like I forced His had with Ezra. Not that I can make myself get pregnant by force of will or something, but God allowed my body to be fertile, and, well, we got Ezra. I wanted him so badly we didn't technically wait until we like heard a "Now!" from the Lord or something. Stephen was willing to become a parent, but he also was very comfortable waiting a bit longer.
I divulge all of this merely to say, sometimes I feel like having Ezra was more of a selfish act than I care to admit. I yearned to have him and be his mommy. I longed for it for years (5). I don't really have some sort of clear calling that God wanted us to have him when we did. I don't regret it a bit, not even a little, though that makes me feel a little bad. [whoops, sorry for being so willful, God!]
All of that to say, when we bring our next child home, I don't think I'll be able to feel that way even a little bit. There's nothing biological about adoption. You can't just "whoops!" into it. It's not the natural order of things - it takes many, many deliberate (and often laborious) steps. When I was pregnant with E, there were several times when I was terrified that we had made the wrong decision; that we weren't ready to parent this amazing person; that we'd mess him up terribly. I think that's probably normal.
The thing was though, there was no going back; he was coming, and he came, and he's here. With adoption, at any point, I can say, "no." And it all stops. And at any point, God can say, "no," and we won't get anywhere. I don't think that's going to happen, and I'm sure I'll have several similar freak-out-times as I did when we were expecting E.
But it's just so humbling: God choosing you to parent someone He loves dearly. What a crazy responsibility. I cannot believe He's picked me. Now, if I can only remember that when Ezra bites me tomorrow. [He got me on the underside of my arm today. It really hurt. Really.]
20 March 2012
Homestudy Pt. 1
I want to do a little series as we move along the process; hopefully it will be helpful to those who might be looking for more information or who are overwhelmed with the amount of work involved in adoption.
So what is a homestudy? Basically it's the process through which adoptive parents go to be approved by the US government to adopt. An agency studies your home environment to make sure it's (and you're) suitable for raising children.
Step one is to find an adoption agency. If you've chosen international adoption, your agency may very well not be located in your state. Ours isn't. But your homestudy and post-placement visits must be carried out by an agency within your state. [this may get confusing, the whole two agencies thing. I will try to use "adoption agency" and "homestudy agency" for clarification.]
Keep in mind that your adoption agency may have extra requirements. There's this thing called the Hague Convention. A country is either part of it or not. This sounds like no bigs, but it is bigs. It's very bigs. Anyway, agencies have to undergo a process to become Hague accredited. And if your adoption agency is accredited, then your homestudy must be completed by an agency that is also Hague accredited, even if your country is not party to the Hague convention.
That was our deal: Nightlight (now A Helping Hand Adoption Agency: a Nightlight Affiliate) is Hague accredited, so we needed an homestudy agency who is also. The good news is that most adoption agencies will send you a list of homestudy agencies they know they can work with when they send you your big, wlecome-to-the-agency packet.
Unfortunately for us, it wasn't updated. So I did a bit of snooping and checked to see if we could do our homestudy through Generations Adoptions in Waco.
We were going to go with Lutheran Social Services of the South, but a couple of things changed our minds (which are only personal preferences). LSSS has its own training, which they do in one all-day seminar in either Houston, Austin, or Dallas. This would be difficult for us because Ezra's never been away from me that long, and we are still nursing. Generations has online training, which isn't covered in their homestudy fees, but we can complete it in a few sittings rather than one very full day.
Another thing was that LSSS charged an application fee and Generations didn't. Their fee for the actual homestudy is also slightly less. I know it's not necessarily good to go with the cheapest everything all the time, but let's face it: we already can't actually afford to adopt. The less we have to raise through fundraisers and grants, the easier on everyone.
I'm really happy with our decision. Everyone I've spoken with at Generations has been very helpful, prompt, and warm. And honestly, I'm not a businessperson; if everyone I talk to throughout my day speaks to me like we're going to be friends, I'm on cloud 9. Especially in unknown and overwhelming territory.
I'll do part 2 of this series after we have our home visit, March 27th!
So what is a homestudy? Basically it's the process through which adoptive parents go to be approved by the US government to adopt. An agency studies your home environment to make sure it's (and you're) suitable for raising children.
Step one is to find an adoption agency. If you've chosen international adoption, your agency may very well not be located in your state. Ours isn't. But your homestudy and post-placement visits must be carried out by an agency within your state. [this may get confusing, the whole two agencies thing. I will try to use "adoption agency" and "homestudy agency" for clarification.]
Keep in mind that your adoption agency may have extra requirements. There's this thing called the Hague Convention. A country is either part of it or not. This sounds like no bigs, but it is bigs. It's very bigs. Anyway, agencies have to undergo a process to become Hague accredited. And if your adoption agency is accredited, then your homestudy must be completed by an agency that is also Hague accredited, even if your country is not party to the Hague convention.
That was our deal: Nightlight (now A Helping Hand Adoption Agency: a Nightlight Affiliate) is Hague accredited, so we needed an homestudy agency who is also. The good news is that most adoption agencies will send you a list of homestudy agencies they know they can work with when they send you your big, wlecome-to-the-agency packet.
Unfortunately for us, it wasn't updated. So I did a bit of snooping and checked to see if we could do our homestudy through Generations Adoptions in Waco.
We were going to go with Lutheran Social Services of the South, but a couple of things changed our minds (which are only personal preferences). LSSS has its own training, which they do in one all-day seminar in either Houston, Austin, or Dallas. This would be difficult for us because Ezra's never been away from me that long, and we are still nursing. Generations has online training, which isn't covered in their homestudy fees, but we can complete it in a few sittings rather than one very full day.
Another thing was that LSSS charged an application fee and Generations didn't. Their fee for the actual homestudy is also slightly less. I know it's not necessarily good to go with the cheapest everything all the time, but let's face it: we already can't actually afford to adopt. The less we have to raise through fundraisers and grants, the easier on everyone.
I'm really happy with our decision. Everyone I've spoken with at Generations has been very helpful, prompt, and warm. And honestly, I'm not a businessperson; if everyone I talk to throughout my day speaks to me like we're going to be friends, I'm on cloud 9. Especially in unknown and overwhelming territory.
I'll do part 2 of this series after we have our home visit, March 27th!
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