27 February 2013

Women's Retreat Recipes

Here are the recipe's I used for the food at the women's retreat:

Buttermilk cupcakes (for the nutella cupcakes; also minus the sprinkles, obvs)

Nutella frosting

Spice cupcakes

Buttercream frosting (I added 1.5 teaspoons peppermint extract)

The apple pie filling was a family recipe I'm not allowed to share, but here's the recipe for the gluten-free crust I made (I used Bob's Red Mill All-Purpose)

The Slow-Cooker spiced steel-cut oatmeal

Smoked paprika vinaigrette

Cilantro-lime ranch

Sunrise punch

I didn't do dinner, so you're on your own with that one.

The breakfast casserole is 12 eggs, 1/2 bag tater tots, a sprinkle of black pepper, and a covering of cheddar cheese. Throw it in a 9x13 and stick it in the oven at 350 for ~45 minutes. Easiest peasiest.

That's it! :)




26 February 2013

Eep!

Sorry for the dead airwaves, friends. Doing the food for our church's women's retreat had my schedule full beyond reason. Last week I did nothing but take care of mine and Ezra's basic needs (Stephen fended for himself!) and food planning and prep for a weekend of feeding 125 women.

I want to tell you some things I learned.

I learned that, if you consider your service as a gift, it can be hard to not be offended when people don't receive it that way (like asking for something more, like hot chocolate, when you literally made over 100 cupcakes, 3 apple pies, gluten-free brownies, and gluten-free lemon bars).

I learned just how emptied I can be. Praise God, I came to the end of myself. Because, for heaven's sake, I needed to know.

I learned how carefully I must watch my thoughts when I'm tired. Of course a college girl's "worst night of sleep in [her] life" involves going to bed at 11 and waking up every 2 hours until 8am. She doesn't know that I never ever get a night of unbroken sleep, and that I just got kind-of-five-hours of sleep so I could get up and make breakfast for her. I shouldn't expect her to know that, and I shouldn't be bitter that she's a college student and not an exhausted mother who's overextended.

I learned that it really is sad when I refrain from speaking love and blessing in my friends' lives because it makes me vulnerable to them. I never have had super-close friends, and I think this is a big reason. I love having close friends, but I honestly believe no one would want me as a best friend. And I really am okay almost all the time with all my friends having closer friends than me.

I learned that there is still joy to be had when you have nothing left.

I learned that, when the rubber meets the road, the Holy Spirit is there to help me not be a horrible person to others (even as the battle rages inside).

I learned that people really like to eat breakfast casserole with ketchup, and people will come ask you even though 3/4 of the women have already gone through the line and surely someone would have asked before, right? RIGHT?

See what I mean up there? I have no grace. I mean, okay, I have a very teeeeeensy amount. Just enough to not be snotty out loud. I suppose that really can be summed up in that I learned that college students just don't realize that the woman who's been in the kitchen LITERALLY FOREVER (I went there) probably doesn't need another person coming and asking for something. Eat your casserole and you're welcome.


BUT

I learned that some people will come help you even though it isn't their turn to help or they're stressed about getting back and studying.

Some people will go out of their way to compliment your cooking and ask for the recipe.

Some people will tell you it makes them feel loved (happy day!) and give you a hug.

Most of all, I learned that women really, REALLY like liquid creamer. ;)

29 January 2013

Weaned!

And, just like that, after a week of not nursing, Ezra doesn't remember how to anymore. It's bittersweet; I really enjoyed nursing a toddler - our last-resort calming tool, our night-time sleep aid - all the benefits of nursing without the difficulties of him being breastfed only. Oh well. Ezra's officially a little boy now!

WotY

Finally, I found my Word of the Year (WotY)! Last year's word was freedom. Did I grow in freedom? Probably. I think, though, mostly I grew in my awareness of my own self-preservation. I wall myself in so no one can hurt me; but then I can't get out either. To stretch the metaphor, there are so many layers I've added to my fortress over my lifetime that one year isn't nearly enough time for me to say, "Ta-da! Healed! Wall down, moat filled in, barbed wire and electric fence and attack dogs all neutralized." But you know God. He tells us the same Story over and over, and it's better every time.

Anyway, I've been wandering all over my mind asking the Lord, "This word? This one? Oh, this is a good one! Is it that one?" But none of them were right. But finally it clicked.
Thankful.
I need a thankful heart like I need oxygen. This semester has me working 3-4 times what we'd planned for me to work (all with Ezra). On top of that, there are one-time things, like planning the food (and a breakout session) for our women's retreat, doing our taxes, selling our car and buying a new one, planning our Spring Break trip, fundraising for our adoption, etc. Ezra's definitely acting like a two year old (my darling fallen son). I've started a new workout routine and a new way of eating. And really I don't feel like I have a handle on a single one of those things. But they're all here, so I have to find a way to deal with them that isn't me losing it on the most important people to me. I run to things to bring me comfort; I try to escape for a while; I take it out on my husband who just doesn't understand and my son who really doesn't understand. But what I need is a thankful heart.

I have such a beautiful life. Do I wish every part of it were the way it is right now? No, duh, this is actual life. Actual life is refining. I'm so glad God uses actual life, because I'm sure not going to refine myself. Instead of being cranky at the situations God is giving me to learn and grow in, I want to be thankful. 

[*note: God, this is not an invitation to heap more things on. Love, m]

23 January 2013

I don't know how to say this.

Because I've been there. And I mean actually there, making the decision that only a wee percentage of people have had to make compared with those who talk about the implications of that decision.

On Sunday, my birthson M turned 7. SEVEN! Time flies. Oddly enough, Sunday was also "Sanctity of Human Life" Sunday. Now, listen, I'm not going to get "preachy," because, as I said earlier, I've been there. I've been at the moment when your world goes for a swim in front of you, and everything gets kind of floaty, and time really does slow down because holy $h!t you're pregnant. [look, I'm just saying what I did when I found out. I don't say that word now.]

I'm so glad I had people in my life who told me as a teen that, if I decided to have sex, I needed to know what I would do if I were to get pregnant. I'm so glad I was raised to believe that a fetus is a person. But I'm most glad that I had given my life to Jesus two weeks earlier, so I had the Holy Spirit to help me.

I don't know if there was one factor that was more important than others or what, but I just never thought that abortion would "make it all go away." But, now that he's older, I can't help but wonder if people know how it's the same thing to kill M now as to have killed him when I was 8 weeks pregnant. It cannot be anything other than the same thing, because that fetus is now M. He has food preferences and big blue eyes and a wonderful personality. It would be a travesty for him to die. And I wish there was some way to lovingly communicate this to girls and guys who are there right now. That a person's a person, no matter how small. Let this person live. They will be beautiful and uniquely themselves and will add to the world.

It's hard to lose your life for a while. It's hard to let your body change and have people give you looks and feel such pain for someone you don't know. It's hard. But the opposite of that is not giving that person a chance to live at all. M deserved to have life. I know that my need for justice is showing, but it's only fair. I don't get to take a person's life because they've drastically changed mine. It's not my right. And I know because I was there seven years ago.

I think of seven years ago and the old cracks in my heart open a little. I so desperately wanted to keep him. I was so not ready to be a parent. I held him in the hospital all night my last night there, mourning. But I did the right thing for my situation, and I have no regrets.

If you've had an abortion, please understand that I don't judge you at all. That time is so intense it's almost an alternate reality. I believe it as much as I believe in the air I'm breathing: God can redeem anything. Jesus died so we could be forgiven of everything, and He really does forgive everything.