So, you know when something happens, and you surprise yourself, and then you think, "self, you should know this about you by now."? Is that a thing other people do? It is, right?
I tend to think of myself as someone who handles her emotions. I can be pretty volatile, so I have lots of opportunities to train in processing emotions without them taking the wheel and driving me into a ditch or running people over or something. [letting your emotions drive never ends well, amiright?]
But when I get a really big emotion, a big sad one, I don't handle it. I don't know how. It's so big it's scary, so I lock my heart up and tell it to be quiet because I don't know what will happen if I do let it out.
Truth is, I'm super scared for little H. And I'm super scared I'm going to lose her. With a quavering voice, I have called her "daughter" in my heart. My arms are already stretched out to receive her. And if the Congo closes, there won't be anyone behind us to adopt her. In 2006, 95% of the Congolese population lived on less than $2 per day. Two dollars. I struggle to feed our family what I want to feed them on $12! And that's just food! The Congolese do not have the resources to care for Helen. To keep her alive.
Yesterday, my feelings finally got control of the wheel enough to force me to deal with them. And God was kind enough to give me a picture of what my heart looks like right now. I won't share it with you because it was kind of graphic. It was kind of Him because He validated that I wasn't being histrionic; it makes sense that my heart would be crushed for these children who are just like mine.
So, really, I'm not great, but that's okay. Please be praying for the children (and nation) of the Congo.
15 October 2013
12 October 2013
Adoption Updates
Well, we got the news on Wednesday that our case will not be grandfathered in (which we expected anyway). Now we really have some questions for the Lord to answer. We just need Him to tell us if H is our daughter or not. NBD, amiright?
Perhaps I am learning perseverance? I'm not sure. This hasn't (yet) rocked my world, and I praise God for that. I'm not sure if perseverance looks like this or something a little cleaner and more smiley. I'm not smiley, but I'm not hopeless. And that's a step I'm assuming is in the right direction.
Although I wish this was an announcement coupled with some significant step (we should've had our homestudy updated by now, but that would come with a $5,500 fee we're not confident of paying yet), but oh well. New items are available in the Etsy shop! I'm desperately in love with a lot of these pieces.
Okay, I've run out of energy. It feels like life is trying to run me over these days, and Stephen and I keep adding to our list of serious, important things we need to spend a lot of time thinking through, talking out, and praying over. Stephen hasn't had 2 days off in a single week for a month. Maybe more. Lord, sustain us, give us grace, and be merciful to us!
Perhaps I am learning perseverance? I'm not sure. This hasn't (yet) rocked my world, and I praise God for that. I'm not sure if perseverance looks like this or something a little cleaner and more smiley. I'm not smiley, but I'm not hopeless. And that's a step I'm assuming is in the right direction.
Although I wish this was an announcement coupled with some significant step (we should've had our homestudy updated by now, but that would come with a $5,500 fee we're not confident of paying yet), but oh well. New items are available in the Etsy shop! I'm desperately in love with a lot of these pieces.
Okay, I've run out of energy. It feels like life is trying to run me over these days, and Stephen and I keep adding to our list of serious, important things we need to spend a lot of time thinking through, talking out, and praying over. Stephen hasn't had 2 days off in a single week for a month. Maybe more. Lord, sustain us, give us grace, and be merciful to us!
30 September 2013
The Wringer
Today we got yet another possibly-life-changing email. The Congo has suspended issuing any ext visas for adopted children traveling to their new home with their parents, effectively shutting down international adoptions for those not living in the Congo.
Y'all, I'm so tired.
Our lawyer in Kinshasa is trying to see if we can be grandfathered in, but I have little confidence that that will happen, since we have no documents in the Congo that identify us as prospective adoptive parents. I have some hope that the suspension will be lifted by the time we'd actually travel, but for now, we will wait and see.
I'm doing better than I could be doing, just waiting to see what the Lord is doing and what move He wants us to make. I suppose I am learning something through all of this craziness, but I do wonder how much longer we will be put through the wringer before we wear completely out.
God, we need YOU to sustain us. to guide us. to give us peace and hope and confidence that You will complete what You chose for us to start. We affirm that You are good and Your plans are good.
Y'all, I'm so tired.
Our lawyer in Kinshasa is trying to see if we can be grandfathered in, but I have little confidence that that will happen, since we have no documents in the Congo that identify us as prospective adoptive parents. I have some hope that the suspension will be lifted by the time we'd actually travel, but for now, we will wait and see.
I'm doing better than I could be doing, just waiting to see what the Lord is doing and what move He wants us to make. I suppose I am learning something through all of this craziness, but I do wonder how much longer we will be put through the wringer before we wear completely out.
God, we need YOU to sustain us. to guide us. to give us peace and hope and confidence that You will complete what You chose for us to start. We affirm that You are good and Your plans are good.
27 September 2013
Fundraising Friday!
Okay, I'm hoping to be able to share our final adoption costs breakdown! I know you're excited.
Assets:
Amount in our Lifesong account: $3,782.65
Amount in our adoption checking account: $3,335.97
Amount we're taking out of our home equity (which is all): $8,000
Total amount we have: $15,118.62
Fees and costs:
*Adoption agency, dossier translation, lawyer, and in-country escort fees: $18,600
*Home study update fee: $500
*Dossier authentication fee: $100
*Dossier shipping fee: ~$100
Vaccination costs: $350
Congo plane tickets: $2,500 (Why so low? because my dad is awesome and has a lot of airline miles)
Lodging in Kinshasa for 10 days: $1,000
Food for 4 for 12 days: $300
Transport in Kinshasa: $500
US Visa for H: $230
Visa medical exam: $100
Congo visas for Stephen, Ezra, and me: $345
Finalizing our adoption in the US: $1,200
Total costs: $25,825
The expenses that are starred are due before our dossier will be sent to the Congo. The total for those is $19,300! So, we need $4,180 to come in before we can move forward with our adoption.
It's a little strange-feeling, because we'll only have $6,525 left to raise after that, and at least 3 months to raise it. We also won't hear back from the grants we've applied for until after we submit our dossier (or I sure hope we'll be able to submit it before, since most grants have at least 6 weeks between). So, it's possible we won't have to fundraise any more after this. But who knows what will happen?
Well, God does. Please join with me in praying that He will guide us as to how to bring in the money for our adoption and that funds will come in according to his good will.
IF you feel God is leading you to give to our adoption, you can give online here. Our family number is 3243. Other than the credit card fee, Lifesong doesn't take one cent from your donation for administrative fees!
Assets:
Amount in our Lifesong account: $3,782.65
Amount in our adoption checking account: $3,335.97
Amount we're taking out of our home equity (which is all): $8,000
Total amount we have: $15,118.62
Fees and costs:
*Adoption agency, dossier translation, lawyer, and in-country escort fees: $18,600
*Home study update fee: $500
*Dossier authentication fee: $100
*Dossier shipping fee: ~$100
Vaccination costs: $350
Congo plane tickets: $2,500 (Why so low? because my dad is awesome and has a lot of airline miles)
Lodging in Kinshasa for 10 days: $1,000
Food for 4 for 12 days: $300
Transport in Kinshasa: $500
US Visa for H: $230
Visa medical exam: $100
Congo visas for Stephen, Ezra, and me: $345
Finalizing our adoption in the US: $1,200
Total costs: $25,825
The expenses that are starred are due before our dossier will be sent to the Congo. The total for those is $19,300! So, we need $4,180 to come in before we can move forward with our adoption.
It's a little strange-feeling, because we'll only have $6,525 left to raise after that, and at least 3 months to raise it. We also won't hear back from the grants we've applied for until after we submit our dossier (or I sure hope we'll be able to submit it before, since most grants have at least 6 weeks between). So, it's possible we won't have to fundraise any more after this. But who knows what will happen?
Well, God does. Please join with me in praying that He will guide us as to how to bring in the money for our adoption and that funds will come in according to his good will.
IF you feel God is leading you to give to our adoption, you can give online here. Our family number is 3243. Other than the credit card fee, Lifesong doesn't take one cent from your donation for administrative fees!
26 September 2013
Homestudy Update
We're having to update our homestudy to align is with DRC's requirements. It will involve another homestudy and updating our information on our assets and incomes. When we receive that update, we'll be able to send our dossier to be apostilled, translated, and begin the process of legally adopting little miss H in the Congo.
I'll include a more thorough breakdown of costs for the first ever in quite a while Fundraising Friday, but please be praying that this process will move quickly, but also that the finances will come in as we need them., and that we will have an understanding of how God wants to provide, since almost all of the fees and expenses will be in the next 4-6 weeks, and we do not have all the funds at present.
On a spiritual note, I'm feeling so much hope and confidence that H is our daughter and that God wants to bless our family by adding her specifically to it. My faith and confidence on how I'll do as a parent of a very active and spirited preschooler (3 is preschooler, right?) and a toddler who has experienced profound loss(es) in her short and precious life, well, that's not as strong. If you'd like to join me in praying that God will prepare me to mother this miracle of God's love, provision, and mercy, I'd really appreciate it.
I'll include a more thorough breakdown of costs for the first ever in quite a while Fundraising Friday, but please be praying that this process will move quickly, but also that the finances will come in as we need them., and that we will have an understanding of how God wants to provide, since almost all of the fees and expenses will be in the next 4-6 weeks, and we do not have all the funds at present.
On a spiritual note, I'm feeling so much hope and confidence that H is our daughter and that God wants to bless our family by adding her specifically to it. My faith and confidence on how I'll do as a parent of a very active and spirited preschooler (3 is preschooler, right?) and a toddler who has experienced profound loss(es) in her short and precious life, well, that's not as strong. If you'd like to join me in praying that God will prepare me to mother this miracle of God's love, provision, and mercy, I'd really appreciate it.
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