Finances (and faith)

Y'all, I am shaking in my boots (well, figuratively. I'd never wear boots in Texas in May. I don't want stinky feet). All about money.

Because we already have our homestudy completed, our adoption process will be sped up a bit. Which means more adoption expenses quickly. And, since we lost $1,500 when we decided to no longer adopt from Uganda, we don't have $2,600 of the fees we need just to get our feet in the door with the agency (their fees are actually really nice; they just require a good bit up front). And we'll need another $1,400 within the month after that. 

It's funny that we lost that $1,500 because that's about what we had put into the adoption ourselves - the $1,900 we've spent on the homestudy fees and education was fundraised. Which makes me wonder, "Lord? Are You gonna have us raise all of the funds for this adoption?" Which I'm fine with, even though it's a little too humbling for my comfort.

Y'all (I'm sounding southern because I'm tired), I know God can raise this. I just don't know how He's gonna do it. So. I'd really, really, really love your prayers being lifted up on our behalf. I know God's heart is 100% for adoption. I know what a blessing it is to be adopted (hey, there's only one biological Son of God!). I know what a blessing having a child is. I know He has all the riches of the universe at His disposal. I just am having a hard time seeing how this is going to happen, and so quickly.

Ghana

So! Ghana. Final answer.

Truth is, I spent a lot of yesterday crying off and on (I don't think I have a hormonal reason to be so emotional, but I'm not really back in the swing of things cyclically-speaking anyway). But I was just completely fed up with the waiting.

I know, I know, you adoptive mamas are probably shaking your heads. And I'm sure the in-process waiting will be super-hard as well, and I'm also sure I will be struggling not to complain the whole time then, too. But there's something worse about not knowing what we're gonna do that makes the waiting so much harder. If I'm going to work to bring home a child, I want to be bonding already: planning, preparing, pondering, all that great stuff you get to do as you're expecting.

But when you're weighing different countries (and, indeed, different continents), it's very hard to do any sort of bonding. Your child could be tan, brown, or coal black. You could be in his/her country for one week twice, or six weeks, or three months. The process could take 6 months or 18 months.

I know some of it is a control issue, and I'm sure the Lord is not done with that (dun dun DUN), but some of it is simply not even knowing what to have faith for. Not knowing what to have hope about. So I've really struggled with hopelessness about the situation - somehow believing God will never tell us. I don't know why that's such a common lie that comes up in my life, but I'd like to be rid of it, thanks!

So I asked Stephen yesterday if we should just take a month of from trying to find a country, like hit a reset button or something. And he said we should just go with Ghana, since it's the only program and country we both feel peaceful about.

So here we go!