Upon the Waters

If I could tell you how many nights I chew the skin off my lips, rub my eyes until I see stars, and tell God I just can't. I can't do this anymore.

Stephen was gracious enough to help me understand that it's a Peter thing. I see what Jesus is doing, I step out on the waters, and realize HOLEY CRAP I'M TRYING TO STAND ON WATER. And I fall.

And usually, somehow, I end up pointing my bony finger at God and accusing Him, as if He is only a voice leading me in the dark, in a world full of predators lurking just beyond my periphery. As if He doesn't cradle me in His hand. As if it would even be best for me to get what I want when I want. As if He isn't good.

This song is beautiful and I love it, and I want to sing it with confidence. God knows I'm a fickle follower and cannot promise tomorrow. But tonight, I will rest, knowing He will complete our adoption in His perfect timing, and I'll continue fashioning my ebenezer stone to plant at His feet, a testament to His faithfulness.

State of Grace

Yes, it is a Taylor Swift song. I'm not super-taken with it (it's pretty much a U2 song written by TSwift), but it struck me.

I used to feel really uncomfortable with singing songs to God that could be sung to a boyfriend. I just thought it was weird. I suppose a lot has changed, since now I love singing songs about people's boyfriends to the Lord.

In a season when I've been confronted with my own rocky heart, with its walls and padlocks and stiff-arm'ed "KEEP OUT" signs, aimed against the two people who love me most, it was a comforting realization from the Holy Spirit that I'm not who I once was. I am in a state of grace, and the Lord and I are working on tilling the hardened soil of my heart, in weeding out lies, and in watering the Words he gives.

I thank you, Lord, for your grace.

Gungor

is enjoyable. It's honestly hard for me to find overtly Christian (as in about Christ, not just made by Christians) music that I really enjoy. But I enjoy Gungor. Thought I'd give a shout-out. Here's their site.

Music

Okay, I know my music tastes sometimes veer into what others would describe as "wacky." But I think you may find that, once you listen to some songs a few times, they begin to unfold like beautiful, noisy flowers.

Song one: "Last Night at the Jetty" from Tomboy by Panda Bear

This song is so, so catchy. It has the added appeal for me that I had this song on repeat during early labor with Ezra, which was a lovely time. If you can get over the weirder noises in the background, it's a superfun, sunny day song. You can download this song for free, too!

Song two: "Helplessness Blues" from Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes

If you like Simon & Garfunkel, or the Beach Boys, or generally good music, you will like Fleet Foxes. I love this particular song because, like most songs that you absolutely LOVE, there's something in the music that just moves you in your heart. This whole album streams free on NPR (love me some NPR!)

Song three: "Beach City/Carol I Know" by Dream Cop

I'm sure you know people remix other people's songs. Most of the time, the results aren't that great. Often the remix is salvaging a not-so-good original. Or the remix is just the song to a different beat, which is usually a worse version of the original. But sometimes people make something new and exciting from previously great songs. I don't like everything Dream Cop does, but this song is supergreat. You can also download this song for free.

Song four: "Cranberry (radio edit)" from Fight Softly by The Ruby Suns

Okay, so I actually listen to a lot of happy sounding music. With harmonies. And fun times. You can also also download it for free. Listen to this song and I dare you to not bob your head or tap your toe.

Song five: "Fiya" from Bird Brains by tUnE-yArDs

This is a video - the song actually starts at about 1:30. tUnE-yArDs is amazing. She has such a great voice and, to me, it's really, really refreshing to see a female indie artist who looks like she actually eats real food. And makes great music. If I ever need a little puff of courage, I ask myself, "Don't you know I breathe in fire, breathe out fire?" It's emancipating in a silly way.

So there you have my current top five "give a listen"s. I think most people will enjoy at least three of these songs.