Someday... But That's not Today.

Today, we're going to look at "strong willed" versus "obstinate." I think we need to relearn.

The words "strong"-"willed" literally should imply something positive. That someone has a will and also has the strength to back that will up until the willed-into-being action or thing has been completed. I wish I had a strong will. Much more frequently, I have the weakest of wills, and I don't do what I want to do, but instead do things I don't really want to do.

Obstinate, however, I certainly am. Obstinate is holding to something without reason. It's making every issue a hill you're willing to die on. I know there must be an aspect of that in me that could be used for good. What that could be, the Lord has not yet revealed to me.

The question is, how do I systematically soften my obstinacy while in turn strengthen my will (or will-power, if you prefer)? Any thoughts? I have no illumination in this other than things like eating foods one doesn't like and sticking to bedtimes and skipping dessert and only talking in turn and everything else that isn't fun.

The link [in the title] is to a Burial/Four Tet collab called "Moth." I like it. You don't have to. Love.

There is Love in You - Taxes, Cleaning, and Four Tet

And oxford commas. Yes, I am that type of person.

Seriously, check out the new Four Tet Album, "There is Love in You" [click on the post title]. However, it will go away on its release date, 1/26/10. After that, check this out for more: yes! . Only listen to it if you agree to not call the musician, Kieran Hebden, by his first name (as if you know him). I do this too frequently with, oh, say the members of Radiohead. Honestly, I don't know them, even if I know plenty about them and their work. It's odd to pretend like we're pals. I want to be honest with myself about who I know and who I don't. Somehow it seems like we get turned around about that all the time these days.

I must say, music does ameliorate the tedium of bathroom cleaning. And I do unabashedly wear gloves to clean my own bathroom. I don't care. Toilets are absolutely gross. Eww. Showers are clearly less disgusting, but far larger. Sinks are fine, with the notable exception of toothepaste gunk/petrified shave gel. I'm trying (hah) to clean these strongholds of filth once a week to minimize. . . unpleasantness? Scrubbing? To grow character?

I'm trying to begin to figure out our taxes for 2009. That the document explaining how to fill out the two pages of the 1040 is almost 150 pages long is completely. . .okay. Letting go. I believe it will get done. Correctly.

Tonight is the first night of three and a half months' dedicated (albeit novice) work. I'm interested in seeing how this semester changes me and everyone I know. It really is exciting to look forward. Still, so many changes are coming. Is it the dawn or sunset? or both?

Or who cares. Every semester has been better than the one before. It's much more fun to put your horns down and charge than to have a seat and ponder, says I. Further up and further in!

Seriously, check the album out. If you don't have a lot of time, start it at 36 minutes in. Gorgeous. Love.