Direction Change?

So, you may have noticed that there's been no movement whatsoever on our waiting list since January. We got news on Thursday that the main orphanage our agency works with is not making referrals for international adoption until October. The main reason is that our Western understanding of adoption is not the way adoption is viewed or usually done in Africa. Their plan is to make a documentary of how Ugandan children thrive in their American homes, in hopes that it will change hearts toward our process of adopting. Which is great, honestly; I hope desperately that it works.

However, our vision for adopting was just as much about bringing home a child who has little chance of thriving without being adopted as it is about the joy of adding to our family. We never intended to sit on a waiting list; we were okay with it not because there were so many families and so few orphans, but because the process is slow slow slow in Africa (as viewed through our Western eyes, lol!).

So, we're seriously considering a change in plan, possibly even in country. I cannot express to you in blogwords how rocked our world has been. But, after a day of "why me?" the Lord successfully gave me a kick-in-the-pants-slash-pep-talk, and I'm back. Back to having hope that He knows where our child is and that we will bring him/her home, with His help.

His heart is for orphans, more than mine. His heart is for my child, more than mine. He knows what He's doing, and I am choosing to trust that. If you'd like, we'd love prayer for direction as far as what to do from this point (please, speak loudly and clearly, Lord!), and for increased financial provision, as we will almost assuredly have significantly more than $7,500 left to raise, with the change in plans.

Hi. My name is Michelle

And I'm addicted to sugar. Like, the-same-as-I-was-addicted-to-cigarettes addicted. If you've never been addicted to something other than food, you may think this is kind of silly. But I remember quitting smoking, and this is just like that.

[An aside: sometimes I feel like I'm airing out my dirty laundry on my blog, but, truth be told, food addiction is pretty tame laundry, even though it's wrapped in shame.]

You know, I limited myself to one or two cigarettes for months before I was able to completely kick the habit. Months. Miserable months. I just didn't know how to let go of that sweet, sweet nicotine. [Stephen laughed when I used that phrase earlier this evening. He just doesn't know.] Honestly, I was only able to quit because of the patch and a big reward for being smoke-free for a month. I still had a few slips since then.

I even tried a cigarette a while ago (it had been years since my last slip), and the hunger to smoke again returned, almost fiercely. Man, something in me is set to addiction mode.

So I really am that kind of addicted to sugar. The hide the goods, be controlled in all other areas, contain it as much as you can, that kind of addiction. It's open-and-shut; I need to get rid of this. I can't contain it. I don't have the self-control. I have to go cold turkey and be okay with maybe never being able to have sugar again. Oh sugar, I love you! How can I leave you?!? There is something wrong with me.

Jesus, here's my mess. I just can't even anymore.