Dear self,

We just have to break up. I know this may seem sudden to you, but it's actually a long time coming. Like, a really long time. I know you've enjoyed dominating my life, and, honestly, I've just let you far too often.

Truthfully, this is going to hurt you more than it will hurt me. Because, self, you're about to die. I promise I'll try and resurrect you a few many times. But this is it. We are never ever ever getting back together. I just don't like you as much as I like this guy. Have you met him? His name is Jesus. You may not like him though; he's pretty specific about you dying, like, every day.

I know this is going to be a hard transition, but, self, it just has to end. I can't submit to you and Jesus at the same time. He's gonna be my new self. He's gonna tell me what to do with this life. I know this is hard, but sometimes bad things have to end. And you're a bad thing, self. Sorry.

We are never getting back together. Like ever.