Dreams

I don't remember many of my dreams, but usually the ones I do remember are the stress dreams. I had so many when Ezra started walking quickly: he'd be right next to me, and I'd look up to answer someone's question, and look right back to see him jumping off a cliff or into a swimming pool (filled with jellyfish!).

Last night (early this morning, rather) I had a different sort of dream. So, my mom, my brother (Matt), and I were digging in the ground (for some logical reason I've forgotten) kind of near a bank (not the river kind, the fiduciary kind). All of a sudden, we start digging up people's wallets, I mean twenty or thirty wallets. In one wallet, we found a $20,000 bill. Incredulous, we brought the wallets into the bank to turn them in. The teller and the manager went through and discovered that the owners of the wallets were dead, which somehow meant that the cash (it was all bills, no checks or anything) belonged to us now: a total of a little over $30,000. My mom looked at me with a smile and said, "Well, what do you want to do with it?"

And, in the dream, I started crying, because it meant we could adopt now, the way we wanted, and not have to worry about fundraising, or scrimping to save, or getting to a point in the process and not having enough money to go forward, or having to stop because expenses were higher than projected. I felt unburdened, free! We could commit to a specific child, our child, the very next day.

It was a good dream. But not real. But it was a good reminder that I can trust God, even though the money aspect of our adoption is not working the way I'd want it to. I let God control the outcome of my efforts in many other areas, but I haven't surrendered my children enough to be unburdened by the process of bringing one of them home.

I suppose I'll work on that.