Food.

So, I'm fasting from sugar. ish. [Don't worry; it's not a brag. You'll see in a sec.]

I made this decision maybe a week before my birthday (May 6th), when I finally started to get fed up with this craving monster addict part of me. I don't know if it's my personality, my body chemistry, or spiritual junk (or all three), but I get easily addicted to things, food definitely being one of them. Sugar is honestly one of my favorite things (when the dog bites; when the bee stings...). And I don't think sugar is the root of all food evil, but I realized I was thinking an awful lot about sugar. Like embarrassingly often. And I don't like to be all creepy with food, but I have a tendency to be a bit idolatrous with it. Or really idolatrous. Which, to me, is even dumber than materialism (also a problem). I mean, come now. Food is for fueling the body, and to bring people together. I do have a "celebratory personality," which is fun (for me at least) and helpful (for Stephen at least). But the downside of that is gluttony and indulgence and a lack of discipline. I do love even the idea of a feast. But sometimes I feel like NoFace from Spirited Away inside. Not a pretty sight. So I decided, from the day after my birthday until the day before Stephen's (July 23rd), no sugar for me. Not a fast out of a desire to please the Lord or even to focus more on Him. Purely to break an addiction that is harming me and my relationships. I'm praying it works; diabetes sounds really unpleasant.

I have since calmed that down a bit. I'm having juice (a glass a day) and will have dessert at birthday parties or weddings (no seconds). No soda, no sweets, nothing like that in the house. That came about because, when around a dessert at a party, I realized I was obsessing about the dessert (come on, a lot of us have done that when we're "trying to be good"). And obsessing while not having it is not any healthier. So I had a small piece and left it at that.

It's kind of embarrassing to admit how weak I am in this area. That, with food, I'm constantly teetering on the brink of being completely out of control. I know there's even more of a stigma for that in our culture than, say, having a hard time controlling how many accessories one wears, or even how often one cleans one's house. And I can remember that a LOT of us Americans (and yes, "us" is correct) have issues with food, either eating too much or too little or both. But still, I feel shame for it. And shame is a big load of crap.

Feel free to pray for my freedom in this area - I know it would be a heavy burden lifted to have freedom in this area. And I feel all the more urgency (spellcheck just let me know urgence is only a word in French) now that I'm a mom. I really, really don't want my children to grow up around my problems with food. I want to model the freedom that is a life in Christ. I want to model a victory that is so victorious that it doesn't even look like effort, because Jesus has already overcome. I want them to know health and joy and creativity and fun with food, why God gave us food in the first place. But I'd like to know those things as well. There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain.